Dear Diary... this is my broken heart.
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: lostprophets - the politics of emotion
Topic: contradictions
things are p[pretty good in general. supposed to be moving away very very soon. two months cant go quick enough. but then i have this overhanging money problem. its so lame. i need some dollar. and quick. i was thinking of getting another job and it just being the wales fund. its so fucked. so bad with money its , in debt with everyone, poor as a motherfucker. thinking drug dealing may be the way forward.

other things are good. i have some amazing friends around me. i have a good flat, its a mess but hey. i have a stall at day out, selling clothes. which will give me a little more dollar. everyone come. bank holiday in august. big massive art fest type thing in wolves.

i cant wait to go. the person gonna miss the most is the person leaving because of, but i cant let that hold me back. i need a new start. a new life. away from certain people that keep me down and people that make me hurt. i want some new friends, a new job, a new home, a new town.

gonna party hard in wales. show them how its done. some people can come and visit. others can go fuck themselves. its my 21st birthday just after i get there so if yr reading this and live in wales. take me out. buy me drinks. get me drunk. .

fletch, jess and . i want u to know that so glad yr all coming. so excited. just the k unit taking on wales. recent events in wolves just make me that too good for the shit in this place. we look like fucking . there will be no one who knows us and can give us all the we have become accustomed to. no one us off for having a good time. different faces. different places. innit.

i love you guys. i love everything about . in love with our plans. makes me excited.



wanna hear a secret?

i do love you. but never have i been so torn in two directions, half of me wants to come up to running with my arms int he sky, tell you i love you and then everything will be OK. the other half knows that in seven weeks gone. and you don't trust me at the best of times.

i lie.

i flirt.

i hurt you.

i don't do these things when we are together. remember this. remember the days, the old days. when things were good. i wish some things had never happened i really do. remember that you also lie. remember the JD in yr drawer. i snooped because i was scared. scared that you could never love me. so beneath you. you r the boy that all girls want to be with. hows that supposed to make me feel.

i feel like everything is based on what i decide now.i want to be with you. but not sure we could make it work. i want a fresh start but i want you in it. i want to forget about all my pain here in Wolverhampton but i need to remember it. i wish sometimes you could be blanked out of my mind so i can forget, but i don't want to forget. i want to go out and not not see you, but when out and yr not i get upset. i don't know. everything i want pretty sure there's something inside wanting the complete opposite. what do u want? please don't say some one else. that could kill me.

i do love you tho. remember that. remember i will never forget.

missing you already.